By Rachel

My Kentucky kitchen table was hosted by another student in my class, Tori. I brought my roommate (also named Rachel), and we had dinner with Tori, her boyfriend Ian, and Ian’s friend Justin. We agreed to stick to snack type foods, and enjoyed chips and salsa and pigs in a blanket. Tori is a veterinary science major (and has a very cute cat and dog at her house!). Ian, her boyfriend, decided to go straight into the workforce after college, and had some interesting viewpoints on the differences between higher education and the alternate path that he chose. Rachel–my roommate– is a lesbian, and discussed with us some of her own struggles with her sexuality. Justin grew up in a fairly deprived background, and told us about his experiences with his bipolar disorder and receiving government assistance.

We talked about a lot of things, obviously, including citizenship, drugs, equality, and gender issues. While we all had a vague agreement on what it means to be a citizen–namely, don’t break the law or hurt other people–our varying backgrounds meant that we all had different specific views on how best to serve our community. Ian’s view seemed to be a more active one, in that he felt like you weren’t a good citizen unless you were actively doing good work in your community, while I felt that often citizenship can also be more passive, in the sense of minding your own business and allowing other people to have privacy. It was also interesting to me that the men were the ones who were more eager to bring up gender issues, and while the general consensus was that sexism is obviously an issue, Justin and Ian felt that there are still differences in what women and men are best suited for when looking for jobs and when serving their community. Justin’s background also meant he had much more experience with seeing the effects of drug abuse, so he was able to discuss the impact of these drugs that he’s seen.

I’m from Nebraska originally, so it was interesting to me to see the variety of experiences in Kentucky. The differences between the Midwest and the South came to the forefront when we discussed citizenship, I think. The South tends to be much more gregarious, which I think is why Kentucky people often see citizenship as involving an active engagement with other people. The Midwest is definitely much more closed off, and there’s often an attitude that other people’s lives aren’t really your business; while that sounds kind of bad, I also think that this kind of attitude is what contributed to Iowa, for instance, being one of the first states to legalize gay marriage. There’s a sense of “I don’t like what you’re doing, but it’s also not my place to tell you not to do it.” At the same time, I think this definitely could contribute to some of the passivity that we talked about in class, such as with the little Chinese girl who couldn’t get help.

Both sides have their pros and cons obviously, but it was interesting to me to see how the social attitude of the South contributed to Kentucky people’s views of citizenship. Obviously this relates to our own class’ discussion of citizenship, as there’s been a lot of argument over whether we have an active responsibility to do certain things. I can’t say whether there’s one right or wrong answer, but it was really interesting to see how these people of various backgrounds approached the issue.

by Rachel

My Kentucky Kitchen Table was hosted by Matthew, a local minister in Bowling Green, and his wife Ann. Besides myself, two other students, Corinne and Tanner, attended. Before this, I didn’t know any of the others, so I didn’t really know what to expect from our dinner. We got to the house and introduced ourselves to Matthew and Ann, and found that Tanner, Corrine, and I had more in common than we knew. We were all freshmen, and majoring in some kind of science (engineering, chemistry, and biology, respectively). We found out that Matthew and Ann had lived in Bowling Green for several years, after moving from North Carolina. Just as we were beginning to ask the obligatory questions about citizenship, there was a knock at the door. Matthew got up to answer it and said “Thelma’s here. She’ll probably introduce herself as Halle Berry.” From then on we knew our dinner was going to be very interesting. Thelma, as it turned out, was 89 years old, and one of the funniest people I have ever met. She had stories to tell about everything from growing up in Bowling Green to her trip to the 2008 presidential inauguration. As it turned out, we didn’t need to ask many questions; we learned everything we needed to about citizenship from listening to Thelma’s amazing stories.

Thelma did, in fact, introduce herself as Halle Berry, and from that point on the night and the conversation only got better. First, she talked about going to Washington D.C. for President Obama’s inauguration in 2008. She talked about standing outside in the cold to watch, and going on a tour of the White House afterwards. To me, the presidential inauguration stands out as a unique symbol of democracy. It bring together the entire nation regardless of race, gender, political affiliations, or anything else. This was the first time I had met someone who had experienced it in person, and hearing Thelma describe it reminded me of what a unique opportunity to participate in our country’s democracy she had.

As the dinner progressed (and we all enjoyed the amazing food Ann had made for us), we moved on to more serious topics, and Thelma opened up about her childhood. The table grew quiet as she discussed being abused as a child. It was clear as she talked that she still felt the emotional pain of that time. I may not personally be able to understand how she had to feel, but I wanted to. I wished I could have empathized in a better way, and done something to help heal these wounds that obviously still hurt so many years later. Thelma also talked about her experience as an African-American woman, and the ways she had experienced racism on a personal level. She talked about growing up in a time of racial segregation, and feeling that nothing was being done, that “that was just how it was.” Even today, she still felt the effects of racism as one of the only African-Americans members of the presbytery at her church. She described that she feels her race makes her stand out, that she feels like “the loneliest fly in the buttermilk.” I was reminded of the subtle ways that a serious problem like racism can sometimes present itself, and of a Zora Neale Hurston quote that Claudia Rankine used to describe the same feeling in Citizen: “I feel most colored when I am thrown against a sharp white background.” Listening to Thelma’s stories, I was amazed again and again by how much she had experienced, how difficult her life had been, and yet how happy she was. She said, when discussing racism “it never bothered me.” She had learned to live with some incredibly difficult situations, and yet, had keep the sense of humor that let her introduce herself as Halle Berry, and I admired her for it.

As I was writing this post, and reflecting on what I learned that night at Matthew and Ann’s kitchen table, I was reminded of a discussion we had in my seminar towards the beginning of the semester. We had just read an article titled The Empathy Exams, and were discussing whether empathy is natural. Can you learn to put yourself in others’ shoes and understand their pain, or is it something you’re born knowing how to do (or not)? The class consensus was somewhere in the middle, we all seemed to think it was a little bit of both. It was months later, listening to an 89 year old woman talk about everything she had experienced, that I finally understood what it means to learn empathy. I couldn’t fully understand Thelma’s stories of abuse and racism, but listening to her, I could get a sense of what she must have felt. As best I could, I put myself in her place, and tried to understand what she had been through, and how it had made her the amazing person that she is. While I still couldn’t perfectly understand her situation, I had some small grasp on how it felt. In this way, I learned to be a little bit more empathetic, simply by trying to be. I was reminded of all the things that others, particularly those who are older and more experienced, have to teach, if I am willing to listen. This was just one of many lessons I learned that night. I also met a group of great people, who I was glad to share dinner with.

By Tori

For my KKT project, I chose to find my own table and be assigned a partner. I hosted our dinner at my house in Bowling Green where we enjoyed a delicious platter of pigs-in-a-blanket along with chips and salsa and queso. Rachel was my assigned partner from class who revealed that she is originally from Nebraska, which was very interesting to learn about the differences between our two states. She invited her roommate, also named Rachel, to our dinner, who is a lesbian and who provided information as to the differences and difficulties of an alternative sexual orientation. I invited my boyfriend, Ian, to attend the dinner as well, who  is currently pursuing an alternative to college by entering straight into the workforce after high school and thus providing a different viewpoint of the system. In addition, Ian invited his friend, Justin, who grew up in a very poor community, receives government assistance each month, and has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Justin was able to illustrate the benefits of government programs and the experiences of living with a mental illness. Including myself,  a woman from a rural background and the child of divorced parents, that makes five at the dinner.

At our dinner, we discussed many hot-topic issues that are currently going on within our country, such as equal rights, the legalization of marijuana, and the importance of being an active citizen. With the differing genders, backgrounds, sexual orientations, political beliefs, etc. of the group, we had a variety of different viewpoints on the issue that helped spur discussion. For instance, when asked what it meant to be a citizen (beyond paying taxes and voting and so on) we each found it difficult to vocalize into words. However, Rachel said that part of being a citizen is just being a decent human being in general. Ian suggested that contributing to the betterment of society is also part of citizenship, and I said that helping out your fellow neighbors and citizens is also part of what it means to be a citizen.

From this experience, I learned a lot about the people I shared it with as individuals, about myself and my own beliefs that I had not previously thought of, and about my duty to society as a citizen. I learned that just because we all might not agree on a topic, it is still important to listen to the beliefs of others and not discredit them because it might also help you understand why you believe what you do. And I feel that it is this discussion that can potentially help us cross the bridge to where we want to be. By listening to differing ideas and viewpoints, we can come up with solutions to even the most wicked of problems. That is why I feel like public discussion and forums are so important to our democracy. The people need to have a voice in the way their society is, and they need to be heard.